May 2012
1 post
1 tag
purge.
purge.
April 2012
10 posts
1 tag
what the fuck do i do when my head is screaming things at me? screaming emotions. my thoughts are chaotic.
and i can’t calm them down. i can’t gather them, sort them, or control them.
they’re driving me insane.
the one person i thought cared so much about me- it just wasn’t true.
i’m crazy. i cannot be loved. i cannot be cared for. i cannot be understood.
i want to OD on something. but i have nothing…
i’m so pathetic. aspirin? WHAT GIVE ME SOMETHING.
i don’t want to be here. i don’t want to be alive. i am so alone. no help. no friends, no nothing.
my boyfriend thinks i’m crazy and isn’t talking to me. he’s all i have left in this world.
i don’t want to be alive.
11 tags
a little update on
my life my struggle
vomiting up some of what i eat here and there, even when i don’t binge. i still binge from time to time, but not every day.
still unhappy as fuck, but my boyfriend has helped tremendously in my life.
i don’t know when i’ll be my complete self again- if i ever will. i want to so badly. and break free from the eating disorder identity. just for my family...
Anonymous asked: You barely post anymore :(
March 2012
72 posts
I’m just so tired of bingeing. i don’t want to feel like i have no control over it because i do have control. it’s up to me. food doesn’t control me. i just need to use coping skills to make it through the urges. and my boyfriend will definitely help me if i ask, whether he’s with me or not.
10 tags
5 tags
I love sucking my boyfriend's dick.
5 tags
I have never, ever told my dad that I love him. I don’t even know if I do. I don’t think I do.
And I’ve only ever hugged him once in my life. So there’s that.
4 tags
Can pets help with depression?
I was thinking of getting a hamster because it’s the most i can afford right now money-wise and time-wise.
Just something I’m thinking about because I adore animals and want to take care of one again.
2 tags
Sure, it may be easier to just be depressed all the time than to have to actually WORK at being happy. But the happiness is worth it. It really freakin is.
1 tag
1 tag
Some day, something will click in this goddamn brain of mine.
Anonymous asked: did you stay with your bf after he said our life was so fucked up?
Anonymous asked: You will recover. Don't you give up hope. I know that I sure as hell won't.
Anonymous asked: Hi! I am so glad I found your tumblr!! From what I've seen so far, you're really screwed up as well, but I don't blame you because so am I. Question: Did you quit self-harming? Take care! x
God sucks.
1 tag
if i don’t stop thinking about him, i am going to go insane.
why the fuck does life have to fucking suck so...
I am so hungry. But not giving in to it is the...
2 tags
my boyfriend watches what he eats, and i think that is the awesomest thing. and attractive. i wasn’t aware that he even did so until he told me. he makes sure he doesn’t eat too much, or too much of one thing. he only eats when he’s hungry really. i just really love that about him.
2 tags
I do believe my eating disorder is coming back...
And I don’t give a fuck, I’m letting it.
I’m barely eating- able to restrain from it thankfully. No idea how, I probably just get a high off of being empty because every time I think of something being in my stomach, I just turn away from food. I feel light (not really weight-wise) as a feather when I’m hungry and empty, like I can just fly away.
And when I do eat...
Anonymous asked: Did you and your boyfriend break up? I hope you're doing okay.
Anonymous asked: Does that girl you work with have an ED too? She must have, doesn't she?
1 tag
The fact that I work with a girl who is literally...
2 tags
Breakfast at 11.
Blueberry soy yogurt and lettuce with vegan ranch dressing. (:
Anonymous asked: Are you ok?
And everyone can go die while fucking themselves.
The absolute worst part is not talking.
I have a few people who are willing to be there for me when I need it but I’M NEVER there for THEM. So I consider myself alone. I can’t ask them to do something for me when I don’t do the same for them.